Tuesday, August 7, 2012

April Showers bring May flowers, but it's August!

I am one of those people who are sensitive to atmospheric change.  This means that when storms are building my pain levels increase the more they build.  Usually I dread spring because in DFW we are  bombarded with storms.  Somehow this year it seems like storm season started early and it doesn't seem to be ending.  For 2-3 days now we've had sporadic storms.  They are all around us.  This means the arthritis is constantly flared up.  Being it is now a few days into this I am starting to get worn down.  I try to stay positive about things.  Tell myself it will get better soon.  Practice my deep cleansing breathing techniques.  Count down the minutes at work till I can get home to take some pain meds.  This also leads to my inner worry wart rearing it's ugly head.

I am realistic that I have a limited amount of time that I can continue working, at least in my field.  I had hoped I could make it about 5 more years to get my kids through college and pay off my car.  Days like today I can't imagine making it through the year let alone through 5.  I also don't know what I want to do when I grow up.  I've had a good run as a Metrologist.  I'm good at what I do.  I am just very aware that every year I am more and more limited of what I can do.  The stiffness in my hands impedes my ability to do many things already, lifting things is difficult and aggravates my joints, and just getting out of bed to go to work is challenging most days and just not going to happen more and more frequently.

I am fortunate that I am a service connected disabled vet.  No not fortunate in that I got hurt in the Army, but that I have options.  I have the option of using vocational rehab through the VA, but what is it I want to do?  What can I do that I won't hate, that I can make a living at, and that I will continue being able to do as my condition worsens.  So many questions to swirl through my pain overloaded brain.

After it's all said and done and I waste hours and days worrying I remind myself that worrying is just that.  A waste of time.  I can't control the progression of my arthritis, I can't control the future.  What I can do is be as productive and positive today as I can be.  Remind myself of my blessings.  My loving and supportive family, a boyfriend who treats me like a princess even when I'm the evil witch, a good job in this horrendous economy, and a sharp mind even on days it likes to throw all the worst case scenarios at me.  I am blessed today.  What tomorrow brings will continue to be a mystery and an adventure.