Monday, October 15, 2012

Back to life.. back to reality..

Today is the first Monday of many that I am on medical leave.  It started last week, and I took some time to be lazy, have a pity party, feel aimless and useless.  Now it's time to suck it up and make the best of it.  I know I was realistic that the time of no working was coming, but knowing it's coming and landing in it are very different things.  This morning I actually feel pretty good for me.  My skin is screaming, especially the bottoms of my feet which are trying to erupt but haven't yet.  This is my first experience with pustular psoriasis on the soles of my feet so I'm not sure what to expect.  When I've had it on my hands it's been mild and never really erupted.  I was able to cover the pustular spots as they came up with bandages and they would just do their thing.  It was uncomfortable, and occasionally painful if I hit a spot directly, but I was able to avoid direct contact most the time.  With it on my soles I can't avoid it unless I stop walking.  The irony is that for the first time in months I don't feel like I was hit by a truck this morning.  I ache, my feet are swollen, and my hips and back hurt, but I feel functional for me.  I realize this is most likely a side effect of the steroid shot I got last week.  I usually feel better for about 10 days after getting them.  It took longer than usual for it to kick in this time,but I was worse than I've ever been as well.  Of course it's par for the course that a day that I actually feel pretty OK arthritis wise my psoriasis is being difficult. HA such is my life.

I have a new whiteboard on my fridge.  I spent the weekend thinking about what I was able to do and writing things in to fill my days.  The rest of this month is all about organization.  Come the end of June I'll be moving whether it's to a smaller place locally or to Phoenix to be near my family so it's time to sort, toss, and realign all my stuff.  Normally I would do this in the matter of a few days.  Being ex military and a ex military spouse I have done the moving thing many many times.  I have it down to a science, but I realize that this time is different. I can't lift heavy boxes, I can't spend hours sorting, I can't lug heavy bags to the garbage, and I can't move furniture around anymore.  I need to give myself time to do this, and I need to be OK with it.  So what normally takes me a few days I have on the calendar for the whole week.  I'm OK with it if I don't get it done this week because you know what? I have 12 weeks to fill.

I also considered a daily schedule.  I was hoping to be up at 8ish and in bed by midnight.  Taking naps as I needed, but making sure I got those good 8 hours of sleep EVERY night.  Last night was the first night of my plan and insomnia hit hard.  I'm only an hour behind my plan right now, and it's not really etched in stone, but I'm a bit OCD.  It bothers me some that my first day of trying to have structure in my disability is already behind schedule.  I'm sure I'll get over it by lunchtime when I'm eyebrow deep in 20 years of pictures I'm sorting through with the cat helping me.  Maybe daily schedule will start next week.  Maybe I will just need to have a daily process (breakfast, shower/bath, email/blog, morning chore/task, lunch, shopping/afternoon task, dinner/evening plans, bed) rather than picking hours to live by.  I guess part of being on medical leave is you don't have to live by a clock schedule, but it's hard to get used to after years of counting minutes and hours.  Next month I'll be doing National novel writing month so I'll have 30 days to write a 50,000 word novel.  That should keep my mind active to be sure.

I'm off to finish my tea, take my vitamins, have an egg white omelet, and get to mission organization.  Wish me luck!