Thursday, September 20, 2012

Happy Birthday to Me!

Today is my 41st Birthday!  Most people say I don't look my age, but I can tell you for sure my body feels SO much older.  My boyfriend was very sweet and threw me a surprise party.  I was truly surprised.

 I've had a lot of personal family stuff going on the last few weeks so I've kept to myself quite a bit as far as blogging goes.  I realize I do share many things that are personal, but some things are best kept off the Internet and this is one of them. Tonight though I was so thankful to my honey and friends for celebrating my birthday with me, but all I really wanted to do was crawl in bed, curl up in a ball and cry.  I'm officially at depressed.  My body is rebelling because of the stress, and I'm emotionally and physically worn out.  All the years of being a 1SG wife paid off tonight because I could put on my happy face and at least appear to enjoy the evening.  I know my friends put a lot of effort into surprising me and it really meant so much to me. Once I got on the road though I cried all the way home.  I've learned through my life to keep these things to myself and just get through them.  I will this time too, but it now is so much more than just feeling blue.  With my disease it manifests itself physically compounding the emotional pain into wrenching physical pain.

I've pulled myself together for now and am waiting for my Simponi shot to stabilize to the proper temperature so I can shoot myself with my monthly poison.  Hopefully I can get to sleep before the nausea starts.  If not it may be a long night of pity party and staying close to the porcelain god.  Tomorrow is a new day and I will remind myself of that until I wake up to it.  I just need to get to tomorrow.