Here we are at Sunday. Another weekend gone by in the blink of an eye. I've spent a lot of time thinking this weekend though of the fact that going on disability is likely to becoming a reality soon rather than a someday eventuality. For 2 weeks now my arthritis has been out of control, my psoriasis is worse than ever (including a really bad flare on the bottoms of my feet which I've NEVER had before), and besides being sick for a week from TDAP my energy level is in the pits. I only worked about half time last week, and I feel SO guilty on those days even though I am not getting paid for the time I'm not there with FMLA. Until my arthritis really started effecting my energy level and my pain was becoming limiting about 5 years ago I was working 60+ hours a week. Previous to that job I was working multiple jobs both paying and volunteer so the idea of working 20 hours a week and being exhausted is just down right embarrassing.
So I am working on coming to terms with that. I spent a lot of time talking with my oldest daughter about it. She is the muse I used to be when I was younger. Full of realistic ideas and optimism. She helped me see that this will be a better life for me. I am really cheap so the monetary change will take some adjustment, but won't be devastating. If anything it will be that challenge that may keep me sane. I quit smoking mostly because it is my largest discretionary spending I have. I really don't drink, I don't do illegal drugs, I don't shop much without a lot of lists, planning, and thinking. I smoke my cigarettes. I like my cigarettes. Cigarettes are $200+ of my budget that I can get rid of. Today is my first day cigarette free. With the help of Chantix I am doing pretty good. Yes, I am thinking about them occasionally, but I haven't gone searching for butts or done an emergency run to the smoke shop for a cigar to get me through without buying a full pack. I have quit using Chantix before and it worked awesome. After a week of not smoking, even being around people that smoke didn't bother me. I didn't miss them. I just have to accept that I am always going to be a smoker, and in order to be smoke free I can not touch cigarettes EVER.
So hopefully this week will be OK. I see Dr Lavery on Wednesday, and we'll have the disability talk. Maybe I can just limit it till the end of the year for at first and hope that the Simponi will kick in at some point between now and then.
Wish me luck on the quitting smoking!
Having experienced just about all possible emotions over not being able to work anymore...disabled since 2006...it just occurred to me that, perhaps this is God's way of forcing me to slow down and have more time with family. Everyone is on borrowed time, but those of us with chronic illness have even less time than most...I finally learned to begin to embrace the time I have gained because I can't work anymore which is way more important than money or material things. It will be the memories of time spent together that my kids will keep and share after I am gone...
ReplyDeleteI agree with you in that this will allow me that oh so valuable time with my family. Especially my parents, though they are not "old" and infirmed, are of course getting on in years. I have spent the last 20+ years globe hopping and not spent nearly enough time with either of them.
ReplyDeleteIt is just a real adjustment even contemplating it. It will all work out. I'm that person who is like a cat. I always land on my feet. It's just now my acrobatics are all figurative rather than literal :)
Good Luck quitting smoking. I just found your blog from someone at INSPIRE who sent a link. I quit just over 3 weeks ago cold turkey. Decided, This is my last one. And I haven't looked back and won't. But I am using nic lozenges, they help a ton. They are addicting, though, and expensive, so I would not recommend them to anyone.
ReplyDeleteThank you! I've tried to quit more times than I care to admit to. Hopefully this time will stick. I agree with the lozenges and gum (tried that once before and ended up with a gum habit lol).
ReplyDeleteAnd just for full disclosure I am the one who is self promoting on inspire. I try not to be obnoxious about it, but if I've already written something that applies to a topic I'm not shy about sharing.
Thank you again for the luck!
I'm trying to quit, too. But I chose to go the electronic cigarette route. I tried Chantix once a few years ago without good results. I have also tried Wellbutrin in the past without luck, cold turkey, & gum. Obviously never tried the patch, since I have P.
ReplyDeleteThe e-cigs are doing well. I have actually been playing around with them for 2 years. My BFF actually gave up smokes all together (her Lent quit) and has never looked back. I go through phases where I'm happy with them, then I go back to cigarettes. Funny how the taste of cigarettes never changes & I'm OK with that, but if I get a flavor of e-liquid I like, I get burned out on the flavor. Wonder why that is?
Anyway, I'm babbling now.....thanks for the insight, followed you here from INSPIRE, too!
I failed miserably. I had to quit the Chantix because either that or Simponi or the combo of the two was causing me to have respiratory issues. I've also tried all the quit stuff. Wellbuterine made me nearly manic and I was cleaning my house all night long. My neighbors were begging me to start smoking again so they could sleep lol.
ReplyDeleteMany of my friends have been going to the e cigs. I had one for a while and did do pretty good on it. Maybe I'll try again. I wish I could be like your friend and just walk away from them, but for such a strong willed person it's something I haven't been able to do it no matter how many times I try. My last Dr apt with my new primary care doc he gave me grief and I told him that since I'm essentially retiring at 41 and my family's longevity I'm still looking at 40 years of pain, suffering and losing the life I could have had without PsA smoking is my entertainment and pleasure. So when he and all his medical co horts find a cure for my disease I'll quit smoking. He quit bugging me.
Thanks for coming by and following the blog! I hope I can at least keep you entertained once in a while. LOVE inspire!