Momma needs at new pair of shoes!

With Lottery fever on high today because of the Powerball reaching 320 million annuitized, I thought I would do some day dreaming.  I know I will win the lottery one of these days.  How could I not??  Look at my luck to this point.  Of the world wide population 2-3% have Psoriasis.  Of that group 10-30% develop Psoriatic Arthritis.  If this was a numbers game I'm damn lucky!

I think most people like to imagine the what ifs of winning a huge windfall of money.  We all like to believe we'd be gracious and giving.  We have this deluded cloud of thought that we would be responsible with this bank roll.  We'd probably be quite crazy with a small portion of it and do things like rolling on a bed covered with hundred dollar bills while drinking champagne and eating caviar.  We'd also of course take care of our family and friends. 

I call bull shit!  I for one wouldn't let anyone know about it.  Are you kidding me?  My kids would have an anonymous donor pay for their college, and I might set up a trust fund for them for when they turn 40.  Now I'm not saying I would hoard all of it, but I sure wouldn't announce it.  I'm an antisocial introvert with rude tendencies.  I sure don't want an entourage to keep me company or have people taking advantage of my girls because they might have money.

Now that that's out of the way, I have to wonder what would I do with such a windfall.  I know I would quit my job.  I would focus on my health and try all those holistic treatments for auto immuno disorders.  I might even sponsor a clinic for a doctor interested in experimenting with those treatments on a larger scale.  I'd put my kids through college so they can have a fruitful life on their own.  I'd buy a house.  I don't want a mansion because who wants to clean all that space.  I'm too cheap to pay someone to do it so just a moderate house is perfect for me.  My house would have a beautiful pool and lots of space to garden my organic veggies and herbs of course.  I'd probably invest the rest so I could live off of it and generations of my family could be supplemented from it. 

Yes I know not nearly as exciting as going on a gambling, coke fueled, sex orgy, but it's my dream. 

When I win tonight I'll still be back here tomorrow to blog.  So you'll just never know....

April Showers bring May flowers, but it's August!

I am one of those people who are sensitive to atmospheric change.  This means that when storms are building my pain levels increase the more they build.  Usually I dread spring because in DFW we are  bombarded with storms.  Somehow this year it seems like storm season started early and it doesn't seem to be ending.  For 2-3 days now we've had sporadic storms.  They are all around us.  This means the arthritis is constantly flared up.  Being it is now a few days into this I am starting to get worn down.  I try to stay positive about things.  Tell myself it will get better soon.  Practice my deep cleansing breathing techniques.  Count down the minutes at work till I can get home to take some pain meds.  This also leads to my inner worry wart rearing it's ugly head.

I am realistic that I have a limited amount of time that I can continue working, at least in my field.  I had hoped I could make it about 5 more years to get my kids through college and pay off my car.  Days like today I can't imagine making it through the year let alone through 5.  I also don't know what I want to do when I grow up.  I've had a good run as a Metrologist.  I'm good at what I do.  I am just very aware that every year I am more and more limited of what I can do.  The stiffness in my hands impedes my ability to do many things already, lifting things is difficult and aggravates my joints, and just getting out of bed to go to work is challenging most days and just not going to happen more and more frequently.

I am fortunate that I am a service connected disabled vet.  No not fortunate in that I got hurt in the Army, but that I have options.  I have the option of using vocational rehab through the VA, but what is it I want to do?  What can I do that I won't hate, that I can make a living at, and that I will continue being able to do as my condition worsens.  So many questions to swirl through my pain overloaded brain.

After it's all said and done and I waste hours and days worrying I remind myself that worrying is just that.  A waste of time.  I can't control the progression of my arthritis, I can't control the future.  What I can do is be as productive and positive today as I can be.  Remind myself of my blessings.  My loving and supportive family, a boyfriend who treats me like a princess even when I'm the evil witch, a good job in this horrendous economy, and a sharp mind even on days it likes to throw all the worst case scenarios at me.  I am blessed today.  What tomorrow brings will continue to be a mystery and an adventure.

This will not be my Kryptonite!

Since today was a rather busy day for me at work I am pretty pooped, and don't really have anything amusing or personally PA related to share.  I thought for today I would share some of my own tips, tricks, motivators, and crutches that get me through the days, weeks, month, years.  Because this disease is so individualized I realize that there are no universally applicable tricks, but maybe something will give you a new method to try.

One place on the net that I have found inspirational and informative is the "But You Don't Look Sick" web site and the Spoon Theory.  This place is a gold mine of greatness not specifically for PA sufferers, but anyone who has an illness that is "invisible" from the physical and mental plethora of diagnosis.  The message boards are a great place to find support and information or just to vent on a bad day.  Even if that bad day has nothing to do with your illness.

Find a brain activity that you love.  Mine is reading.  I can read for days.  In fact I can forget to shower and eat because I have gotten so engrossed in a book.  One of the problems I have found with chronic pain is the sensory overload that is caused from constant activity of my nerves responding to pain.  Reading doesn't stop pain, but it does distract me from it to some degree.  I sympathize with the problem of pain being so distracting that you can't focus, but I started small.  I committed to reading an hour a day.  No matter how much pain I was in or how distracted I was because of it I would get through that hour.  Now once I get started I can usually zone out some of the pain because I am focused on the book. This works for me versus say watching TV because I have to be actively mentally involved.  It doesn't end up being white noise (like TV) that I space out through or pretty much ignore because I am focused on my pain.

Find a "beauty routine" that makes you feel pretty/handsome.  For me it's giving myself a manicure/pedicure.  I might feel like my skin is gross on any given day, but my nails are fantastic!  Before my skin got really bad I went to the salon for a manicure and they said my nails looked like acrylics.  I spend a lot of time on my nails in the scope of all my other beauty "routines".  I am one of those girls that can be up, showered, dressed and out the door in less than 20 minutes.  I do look forward to my me time with my nail polish.  Sometimes I really splurge and have a good long soak in the tub before my mani/ pedi.  At any rate, I get a lot of compliments on my finger and toe nails despite the scales.  The added bonus is that it covers up the ridges and psoriasis I have under my nails as well.

Comfort foods!  Many people have food triggers for their psoriasis.  I am fortunate that I don't seem to have any.  It is just bad all the time.  Sometimes the most basic comforts are the greatest thing ever.  Whether it's mashed taters or ice cream if it gives you comfort it can't be a bad thing in moderation. 

Be your own health advocate.  This is one thing it took me a while to figure out.  So many Dr's have told me how my body is supposed to be behaving or reacting.  I've been in this body for 40 years and I know what is not "normal".  Be aware of what therapies are out there.  If your Dr isn't interested in allowing you to try new, holistic, or different treatments, or stop, start or change medications because they know what's best for you and your body, it may be time to find a new Dr.  I'm not discounting any Dr's expertise.  We pay them the big bucks because they are the experts, but YOU are the expert on your body.

Allow yourself to have a bad day.  I hate to fixate on how PA affects my life, but some days it's good to just let it all out.  When I had cable I'd spend a day watching Lifetime movies and Reality TV shows.  The lifetime movies allowed me to cry.  I am not a cryer, but put on one of those movies and the flood gates open.  The reality TV lets me see that my life isn't the worst train wreck going.  I might be scaly, sore and irritable, but I'm not on Jersey shore.  I also have a venting friend.  She has pain issues as well so we let each other complain with no holds barred.

Finally find your joy.  We all have something that no matter what happens in life there is something that universally brings us a level of happiness.  Whether it's your family, your pet, the color purple, or a special place in your youth, find something that you can think about that brings you peace and happiness.  Multiple things are even better!  When your having a bad day have that picture of your favorite beach you found shells on as a child and remember how much you loved that.  Don't think about the future, your pain, your frustration or anything else.  Think about joy.

I am sure there are many others, but these are a few things that work for me.  What are yours?