I just need to breathe

I am not sure if I have a new side effect or something else wrong with me, I mean something NEW wrong with me.  I've noticed the last 2-3 months that I occasionally feel like I need to take a deep breath.  It wasn't all the time or even frequent necessarily.  It was happening maybe 2-3 times a day I'd feel like I needed an extra deep breath.  Friday it started getting worse.  It was bad enough that the boyfriend has become concerned.  I did some research, and this could be a side effect from 2 of the meds I'm on, the Simponi and the vicodin.  I also stumbled across a article on the Internet that talked about psoriatic arthritis being shown to cause inflammation in organs including the lungs.  I really hope I have a reaction to the Simponi or vicodin. I'll be calling the Dr tomorrow to see if he can get me in this week.  Just so my friends and family don't panic when they read this, I am not sitting here gasping for air suffering.  It is still fairly sporadic  but it is becoming a much more frequent occurrence and something I need to get checked out.  It really sucks I have gone to the effort to quit smoking and NOW I can't breathe.  What is funny is that I actually am breathing better most the time.  I'm not always congested and coughing up crap. So I'll be calling Dr. Lavery tomorrow.  I'm still waiting to hear about my Hepatitis screening from over a week ago so I can get those results then too.

So there you have it.  Possibly another side effect.  Simponi really hasn't done a damn thing for me so being told I need to stop it wouldn't really bother me.  It's not costing me anything, but it's a poison in my body that has a lot of potential to be bad for me.  It isn't like the Humira that I was actually seeing improvement with my psoriasis almost immediately.  I'm 3 and a half months into the Simponi project, and nothing.  My skin is worse than before, I've developed pustular psoriasis on my feet, and my joints hurt ALL the time (not better or worse than before).  If I'm told not to continue it's not a loss of a dream or even the shimmer of hope.

It's poison time!

It's shot day. Hard to believe it's been a month already since my last one. I still have seen NO improvements. My psoriasis is actually still worse. I've developed pustular psoriasis on the bottoms of my feet. I have had fairly mild pustular psoriasis on my palms before and it was irritating there, but not life stopping. When it would rupture I could clean it, put some antibiotic ointment on it, and slap a band aid on it and it would be fine. On my feet however it's a whole new ball game. It runs up the middle of my feet and on my left foot actually has a few spots at the top of the ball of my foot right where it meets my toes. I've had a few spots rupture including one by my middle toe, and it is painful. Luckily it isn't too painful to walk most the time yet, but if the rest come to roost all at once I will be a very cranky and highly medicated person. Mostly now it just goes through phases of feeling like the spots are burning. Somewhat like walking barefoot on black concrete in the 115 degree AZ summer.


Since I'm having no improvement Dr. Lavery wanted me to try Arava. It is in the DMARD class of meds and should suppress my immune system even more. I waffled on if I was on board with this, but finally gave in yesterday and had him call in the prescription. I will start it on Monday. I don't want to bombard my immune system all at once with the Simponi and a new drug tonight so I'll give my system time to equalize a bit with the Simponi shot and give it the wham bam of Arava on Monday. For anyone wanting information on Arava it is here. It does have a black box warning so be sure to read EVERYTHING if it is something you are interested in talking to your Dr about. Be informed!


I think I am done with smoking Chantix has been working well for me for the most part. I've had some really interesting dreams, but nothing disturbing. What has really been the nail in the coffin so to speak was my huge back slide last night. At vagina night I smoked probably 7 cigarettes. I was physically ill and vomiting when I got home. Not only that I woke up feeling like I'd been licking the cat box and my throat hurt. I am SO done with cigarettes. Today I have had absolutely zero desire for a cigarette. Even sitting on the patio around other people who were smoking didn't make me have the smallest inkling for a drag. Just YUK.


Well I am off of here to go shoot up the Simponi. I'm not the slightest bit tired so I will probably be awake most the night once the dizziness kicks in. Chat me up on FB if you are with me in the land of insomnia!

Ch Ch Ch Changes....

Here we are at Sunday.  Another weekend gone by in the blink of an eye.  I've spent a lot of time thinking this weekend though of the fact that going on disability is likely to becoming a reality soon rather than a someday eventuality.  For 2 weeks now my arthritis has been out of control, my psoriasis is worse than ever (including a really bad flare on the bottoms of my feet which I've NEVER had before), and besides being sick for a week from TDAP my energy level is in the pits.  I only worked about half time last week, and I feel SO guilty on those days even though I am not getting paid for the time I'm not there with FMLA.  Until my arthritis really started effecting my energy level and my pain was becoming limiting about 5 years ago I was working 60+ hours a week.  Previous to that job I was working multiple jobs both paying and volunteer so the idea of working 20 hours a week and being exhausted is just down right embarrassing.

So I am working on coming to terms with that.  I spent a lot of time talking with my oldest daughter about it. She is the muse I used to be when I was younger.  Full of realistic ideas and optimism.  She helped me see that this will be a better life for me.  I am really cheap so the monetary change will take some adjustment, but won't be devastating.  If anything it will be that challenge that may keep me sane.  I quit smoking mostly because it is my largest discretionary spending I have.  I really don't drink, I don't do illegal drugs, I don't shop much without a lot of lists, planning, and thinking.  I smoke my cigarettes.  I like my cigarettes.  Cigarettes are $200+ of my budget that I can get rid of.  Today is my first day cigarette free.  With the help of Chantix I am doing pretty good.  Yes, I am thinking about them occasionally, but I haven't gone searching for butts or done an emergency run to the smoke shop for a cigar to get me through without buying a full pack.  I have quit using Chantix before and it worked awesome.  After a week of not smoking, even being around people that smoke didn't bother me.  I didn't miss them.  I just have to accept that I am always going to be a smoker, and in order to be smoke free I can not touch cigarettes EVER.

So hopefully this week will be OK.  I see Dr Lavery on Wednesday, and we'll have the disability talk.  Maybe I can just limit it till the end of the year for at first and hope that the Simponi will kick in at some point between now and then.

Wish me luck on the quitting smoking!