Why my nails are always painted.

I was trying to describe to my sister what nail beds look like when they have psoriasis.  My thumb picture is a generally healthy nail bed with the pink (nail bed) and white (nail growth) is fairly smooth and straight across the nail. The pinky picture is my worst psoriatic nail. You can see the bed has detached more than halfway down the nail and the line between nail bed and nail growth is  very jagged and uneven.

Reading a history of me.

I requested my medical records from my Rheum for an appointment I have at the VA next week, and to hand deliver them to the SS office for my disability claim.

I picked them up today and started reading. It was fascinating and terrifying to see my decline over the last 6 years. The last 4-6 months shows an especially exaggerated decline. It was also interesting to see things that my doctors hadn't bothered to tell me. I found I have non reactive arthritis (not uncommon with PsA). I found that the Rheumatologist at least at one point felt I may have Fibromyalgia (was never informed of this and it was never followed up upon or officially diagnosed). I found I have had low Uric acid levels (can be an indicator of MS). I found I have proof of arthritis in my SI joint (never informed of this) and FINALLY diagnosed with arthritis of the right hip after YEARS of trying to get someone to listen to me about the constant pain in that joint. 

I often feel like my Rheum is abrupt. I really like that part of him in some ways because he doesn't poo poo around, but I also sometimes feel like he's not really listening to what I'm telling him about what is swelling, how it's affecting my life, how I am constantly in pain. Reading my records I came to realize that not only does he listen to EVERYTHING I say and record it, but there are instant message conversations recorded in the records of him inquiring about following up with how I am, if I need to come in, why something hasn't happened, and a tone of frustration that I am not having improvement.

Even with living this every day it is really shocking to read through my records and see just how quickly I have declined. I hate that my Rheum is frustrated with my condition (lord knows I am too), but it is somewhat comforting that he is frustrated. It shows he cares about my quality of life and I am not just a number. I knew these things to some degree already or I would have left him years ago, but reading it really reinforced that

Sometimes I think I'm losing my mind.

I'm sitting here watching movies, knowing it's going to be an insomnia night.  We had some snow here in North Texas yesterday so I'm quite happy to be snuggled up in the blankets my sister made me last Christmas watching old movies on cable.

Something I noticed the last few days is that I keep feeling like my elbow is wet.  I'm constantly checking to see if I've got a gushing crack in my elephant elbows.  So far it just looks like I've been exfoliating with a cheese grater.  I think I'm probably developing some nerve damage in the dermis from the deep cracking I've been having.  I will be really glad when I can actually get in to see a Dermatologist.  I've run through all my options for Psoriatic Arthritis as far as DMARDS and Biologicals go.  I'm now left with the slim possibility of getting Stelera through the Dermatologist.  It is having success in Phase III medical trials for Psoriatic Arthritis so hopefully it will actually help both my skin and my arthritis.  I'm off to the VA next week to get that whole process started so wish me luck!

I really could use some retail therapy, but I just can't afford it and window shopping is downright depressing. I will however go try my luck this week at playing in a World Series of Poker tourney.  A friend of mine won a WSOP ring and a boat load of money yesterday so now I'm inspired to take my chance on one of the smaller tourneys.  Again I need your luck!

Well I'm off to watch more hokey 90's movies and wait for sleep to decide to visit me.  Have a great week!

As soon as I finished writing this blog I realized I actually was bleeding from a psoriasis crack.  Just not from my elbow.  UGH!